THE PATENT OYSTER STRIKES AGAIN




This one had been in hiding for a while, but Frances found it and I decided to try it out. Fortunately, it came with the box, and instructions:



The pictures make it look so easy, don't they? Well, it wasn't. The oysters were the wrong shape. Or size. Or maybe they just weren't patented. Anyway, it was useless. The one in the picture was opened with my latest electric oyster-knife, which looks like the illegitimate offspring of a dildo and a bayonet (the legitimate offspring doesn't bear thinking about) and the amazing wooden oyster-sabot, which really sort of worked, though I needed to turn it at an angle instead of hooking it over the side of a table:



To date, then, the only real success has been the wooden oyster-holder, which is hardly patentable. But who knows? One day...


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Words and pictures copyright (c) Roger Hicks 2016